Should I go for a baby or not? {Women Stuff}

The reason why I am writing this post is because of a comment by one of the readers Nidhi. She wrote this –

hi Swati
i do not know whether my comment(question) would be apt here or not..but i would like to know becoming a mother a good thing ?
i mean..i feel scared with all the responsibilities,pain,stretch marks,no time for self..and the list goes on.
my family is pressurising me and i do not know what is right ?
i love kids..may be am just scared of the responsibilities..but i want to know what good things happen after you become a mother (so that i can convince myself

First of all, any question or doubt you might have you can always speak of it so feel free to comment :) And, yes, thank you for putting up such a major issue. In fact, one of my colleagues is also going through the same phase.

She has been married for three years and now, the pressure from both sides of her family is impossible for hear to bear, in fact so much that she thinks it better to get a baby and relieved of the burden. But, the real wish was known when she suddenly started having her periods after a long spell and she shared with me how relieved she felt after that. Clearly, she is not mentally ready for it.

Now, to answer your question, I would ask another question. Do you think you are afraid of the responsibilities which come up with motherhood? Or, is it that you think its too soon and you would like to spend more time with your husband?

If its the first, the answer is obvious that you will never be “READY” for it. So, go ahead, plan a baby and with time, you will feel you have made the right decision. It will also help you to know many women do that and they never regret their decision :)
Now, the second alternative is a bit more complicated. It depends on how well you know your husband, how much of a relationship you share, how long you have been married, what were your aspirations and expectations with regards to your marriage. 
Essentially, if you have been married just for a year or your age is around 25 or less (not that I mean you should be pregnant if you hit 26!) or are a person who likes to take her own time to do everything in life, I would say wait for the right moment. In these cases, the intuition or the gut instinct of a person really helps. If you are that kinds, I would say it might do you good to wait.
So, Nidhi, the answer is that go to a gynaecologist and take a proper session with her about motherhood – the physical changes it demands from you, talk with your friends who might have kids (if you are first, I know how tough is that decision), talk to your husband, discuss all your fears and everything with him, know his mind and what he wants. 

Take time to decide but first know your own mind as to exactly what you want because ultimately its you who is going to bear the baby. I have also asked Punam to write something about it and incidentally she has the same story like yours so probably, you might be able to relate to her. The post should be coming in some days :)
And, to all your mothers and married ladies, what do you think about the most important decision in your life? Don’t forget to comment and help out Nidhi :)

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  1. says

    swati thnks for being there for us i mean u are writin a post which is not really related to the website and helpin ppl thr the medium u have seriously gr8 work

    well nidhi i am not married yet but i guess i will have the same fears which u do whn i get married but i would do wht swati said consult a gynac and knw whether i can

  2. Coral Crue says

    I have to completely agree with what OfRainydays has said. You should create only if you genuinely want to. Don’t think about other things like responsibility etc etc because if you REALLY REALLY want the child, you will take on anything in this world to protect it. Just think if you want or not, don’t listen to what others have to say about it, it’s your decision in the end.

    • says

      yup Coral, you are right but the problem is that there are a lot of things which are beyond our control and saying this might actually make her more confused instead of resolving it. I would talk about this in detail in another post, then, you might understand my point of view :)

    • says

      hi coral crue and swati, i was hoping i dont end up sermonising or sounding like i am like this. but a child is another human being, and it wouldnt be fair to bring one in without the necessary thought. simple things like meeting friends and holidays, to complications like in laws, career, equation with husband. a lot of women manage to make the leap and realise it was only a case of butterflies , but a lot of women discover otherwise too. so whatever you do give it a nice long thought

    • nidhi says a bit clear and a bit confused also .. that if i really want a child ,then only i should go for it ..
      but what if i will never be ready and this would be the right thing to do ..
      but as most are saying .. baby brings happiness..i should not be afraid ..right ?

  3. says

    hi i am married for more than 2.5 years, and i am still on the edge about children. i see it as a responsibility yes, i also see it as something that will change your life in a big way. i suggest if somewhere you feel mentally unsure of it , then take that as an indication to wait till you are sure.
    once a child is born you cannot rethink, and i personally feel that i dont want to grow old thinking of how my life would be had i waited a little longer.

    i notice that a time comes when all your friends begin having children, and you are still wondering should i , shouldnt i. i am in that place now, its tough. but i would rather create a life because i genuinely want it , than to have a child because all my friends have kids, or i am getting older..

    • says

      hey…you know I wanted to write this very way when i read about her problem but then i thought about my friend’s issue and thought probably its not exactly same and its always easy to say its my life and this and that but some people are definitely confused as to what to do so probably that advice wouldn’t have worked out best.
      yup, no point in having kids when one doesn’t want to but if one is afraid of responsibilities, they will always be. that can be overcome by only diving into the thing. the problem i think is nidhi is totally undecided as to what to do and she is not able to handle the pressure. and, you are right, having a kid when one actually wants to be a mother is quite right. that helps the woman to handle every change very easily. hehe…no, no decision should be taken just coz one is getting older or others are going for it. i myself can vouch for that :)

  4. Pranali says

    this society is so shallow- if u don’t hav kids by 30, they say that u have some medical problem. in the end the resposibility will b urs! the relatives are not gonna be there to change diapers in the middle of the night. and i agree with ofrainydays- u should bring a life in this world only if ur ready for it cos then there is no backing out.

    • says

      no worries about society coz its our life and our problems in the end of day but i do fear that medical problems for a woman grows to a lot of extent in case of delayed pregnancies or no pregnancies and all. one should know all that before making a decision.

    • nidhi says

      i agree with what you say .. but i was so confused ..also,i think i will be a good mom ..may be its that i will never be ready..may be it comes with the baby only..lets see :)

  5. Anonymous says

    I know exactly what you are going through. Take my advice go ahead have a baby. there is nothing more precious than motherhood. i am now a mother of 1 year old boy. i was also confused and thought was not ready for such responsibility. even now i feel exhausted after office work come home and then manage home and baby and question was i right in having baby. But seeing my baby’s innocent smile and all the queries go in air. His smile, his playfulness, his small hands and feet, his everyday learning makes up my day and now i feel why i waited so long. there is no gift more precious then him. when he was laid in my arms, that instant i became a mother and dont know from where all the motherly instincts kicked in. now i hardly have time for myself and have to run around the house after him and believe me i am enjoying. we have the gift so take advantage of it. i have seen my friend longing for one which she could not have due to medical complications and i think i am truly blessed.

    • says

      hey thanks for the comment :) guess you are right. once my mom had said once on this topic that sometimes, when you want a kid, you might not have it. and, that really stuck with me.

    • bebeautiful withpunam says

      you are right swati i have seen many ppl with this problem when they wanted kids but coz of medical problems they cant. i wish this never happens with any body

    • nidhi says

      i like ur comment so much .. i mean since you have been through the same ..and like swati said ”i will never be ready ” .. it has already been 4 years of my marriage .. and if i have to have a child ,then it is the right time too ..but i don’t feel ready ..but as all of you say..may be one never gets ready,lets hope for the best ..i will try going by all the advices here :)

  6. says

    well i believe its better u consult a gynac as u knw sometimes whn u cross certain age, it is believed tat u wont have normal kids and beyond tat if u are married for too long and are not working,ppl will start commenting.i knw this is no reason for which u shd have kids but at the end of the day we live in the same society whether we like it or not we have to follow its norms

    • nidhi says

      ya..everything is fine by the gynae .. but the main thing is this only SOCIETY .. even if i dont want a kid ever .. i cant fight my family and all ..
      though it is scary ( by reading the posts ) that when you want a kid ,sometimes you cant have one :( right time does matters

  7. says

    regarding responsibility, we are never ready for anything whn we are kids we never feel we are ready to go to school leaving our parents,whn we are gettin married we are not sure whether we are selectin a rt person or are we ready for a new life.
    i knw wht u are sayin bcz i took care of my nephew he was like 1yr old for a whole one day all by myself and trust me it wasn’t an easy task.
    all the best in wht ever u opt to do

  8. Anonymous says

    hi,im in my 3rd month of pregnancy it’s my second child….i m so confused till now whether to have this baby or not.After this child i won’t be able to work in 9-6 corporate world.I just don.t know to be happy about it or get worried…

  9. bebeautiful withpunam says

    when i got pregnant i was too confused but you know nidhi , time or age should not be the main parameter to make this decision , coz at wahtever age you may get pregnant there will be same kind of physical changes & same kind of resposibilty what matters is how much do you want to be a mother & how much it will affect your life & relations.

  10. nidhi says

    thank you sooo much SWATI .. i used to have a look at that ”pomegranate” link daily having an answer .. but i dint knew that you have created an all together different post ..
    thank you so much for being soo friendly and helping me out .. i am following this post now and will let you know what i do..though am inclined to have a baby after going through all the posts .. {cos there are problems later ..and u are never actually ready (as u said) }
    so,lets see ..thank you everyone for your support :) :)

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