Child Abuse and SMJ

Image Courtesy:absk-outofbox.blogspot.com
I have been hearing so much about SMJ (Satyamev Jayate) so I got curious and watched it just now. I watched the child sexual abuse episode. And, it was bad!!! No, not in the sense of the show or the content but the whole discussion and everything was so horrible in the sense of incidents. The things which people have faced and they have gone through and probably still going through are so heart rendering. Oh yes, I am a cry baby 😀 I cry in movies so real life will obviously make me cry. [And, talking about the host, I hate him. He is known as perfectionist and I really feel he is a snob. Ok, sorry for the personal comments on your favourite or responsible actor but this is my blog and I can put up my personal opinions. Yes, I do accept he has made amazing movies like Lagaan and Rang De Basanti.]
Anyway, talking about the topic, I would like to talk about a small incident of my life. It was 1996 and I was 10. Just like everyday, I caught a bus for the school. It was not a school bus and it wasn’t even crowded for that matter. I got into the bus and since I couldn’t find any seat so I was the only one standing. Then, a bearded man in the first seat asks me to sit down beside him. There was one middle place on the 3-seater. So, I sat there. Ok, at 10, I was not that developed like some girls are. So, after a little while, the guy started touching my chest And, I literally hated it. He continues doing that for what seemed like a long time and then, he got his hands under my skirt and I was completely clueless. Not going into the details, I still remember the sensations I felt at that time. One feels repulsed and disgusted just like you would feel when someone touches you as an adult and you don’t even know what’s happening to you. The whole thing was over in probably 10-15 minutes but that was my longest ride to school. 
At 10, a kid doesn’t really understand what’s going on but I knew that he shouldn’t be doing that. I wanted to get up from the seat but couldn’t gather the courage. I wanted to exchange seat with the other man and couldn’t speak up at all. I wanted to literally run away and it was like my legs had frozen. I wanted to say to him to take his hands off me but I couldn’t. Its a very difficult thing. The worst thing was that there was a man sitting to the other side of me and he kept his head constantly turned towards the window. Today, if I think about it, I guess he had noticed what was going on and kept shut about it. 
And, the irony of the story is that I saw this man after a few years again and he had a small girl with him who was probably his daughter. I hope he realised the consequences of his actions. Since then, I have always been sceptical of bearded men. It gives me creeps to think about it. And, writing this post was equally difficult for me. I wanted to write about this to bring out a part of injustice on children left out in SMJ and that was that such kind of things can happen at the most unlikely places as well. Yes, they won’t carry on for long time durations but even 10 minutes are enough to leave an impression on the child. I have never told about this incident except for one male friend and that person didn’t really understand the significance. And, strictly speaking, I didn’t even know about what happened with me till I learned about child sexual abuse. 
PS: This is a post about awareness of social issues. Kindly keep the sympathetic comments to yourself. I am sorry if I sound rude. I would rather appreciate a discussion of the topic or the show.
PS 1: If you would like to discuss or talk about anything, you can drop anonymous comments as well.

Comments

  1. Coral Crue says

    I developed a distrust for men from some old incidents that happened to me too as a child. I am very wary of talking to men and pretty much can spot if there is something wrong from a mile.But when we are innocent children we don’t know what is happening. These days children are more alert because of exposure from tv and internet.It was not the case earlier.But at a tender age, it is very hard to say ‘no’ because it’s all very confusing.
    I like the show Satyameva Jayate and I feel that it raises strong issues that have been put under the carpets in this country. It is like a release of all bad things happening in this democracy. I hope there are major improvements in this country with raising awareness in more ways than one.

    • Coral Crue says

      I was very happy to see something different being discussed in blogosphere today, you brought out some very real issues and it really helps to talk about it with each other too, like in the comments section, I was reading everyones comments too.It’s very insightful to be able to discuss serious matters too with more depth and meaning. It means alot. You go ahead and post all topics, I am sure everyone will support you :)

    • says

      seriously Coral…even I hate uncles you know…guys are not that bad I feel…its middle-aged men who are more perverted and desperate…even I would like to talk about such issues from time to time…hope I do :) would love all your guys support!!!

    • puja malhotra says

      Ya I also like your posts on such topics…..by this I come to know I am not alone who has faced such things …I have my husband and my mum in law to support me but some of u girls don’t what’s happening with u at that tym…..now I am always very scared about my daughter she is so small and my city is full of cheapsters…..every month we hear lots of such incidents and even the wife swapping cases ….u can imagine my fear for my daughter…:(

    • says

      my goodness…which hell of a city u live in???wife swapping and child molesting!!! I donno what the world is coming to!!! I know how difficult it can be for you…I would be equally afraid if I had a daughter of mine!!!

  2. Vanu says

    Swati when i was in 6th or 7th standard, my tution teacher used to get touchy2 wid me. i was d only student he used to teach me at dat tym. my parents used to discuss my studies wid him regularly coz i was weak in maths bt he was a shameless creature, i actually used to feel his body parts touching me….. I used to throw all pens and pencils at him so dat he maintained a distance frm me.bt i was helpless and he never stopped until i left his tutions. My parents like most parents, dont know abt dis everyday torture as a kid. But i still feel d same hatred or may be more dan wat i used to feel abt him n feel like killing him.
    In Delhi, der r so many incidents of ppl trying to act smart wid u, sometimes i do raise my voice and smtyms dey just vanish after doing der indecent acts….. smtyms it takes a lot of tym to come out d shock…. No words to xprss

    • says

      seriously Vanu…even I felt that I should kill that man at that time and for lot many days after that!!! you mentally do kill that person maniacally almost!! i really wanted that man’s hands to get burned…i know its kiddish and childish but obviously you don’t realise that.
      you know the show also featured a psychologist who talked about the mental conditioning of these abusers and actually these people have no remorse at all!!! how conscienceless these people are.

  3. Indu indgal says

    At first I was not attracted on with the show, then an article came in a tamil magazine after the two shows he did and was quite impressed with it. I watched the show with marriage and I did feel the show was awesome. The best part is that they dont talk with just one person but the whole issue. With the good and bad of each issues. Hope more people see this and know more about the issues going on. The best part it is coming in Tamil and I am able to understand the program and issues better.

    And about child issue, yes I have faced it too but not too much. It is a good thing that many people are aware of this. Most important thing is to teach Good and Bad touch. I have made it a point that I will teach it to my son too. Good post :)

    • says

      didn’t watch any except the child abuse thingy and the workshop was awesome!!! yes, one should really make it a point to make their children aware about it. aah…that’s good they are translating in Tamil because its entirely in hindi so does become difficult for everyone to understand properly!!! yeah, its not too much but everyone goes through this one at least probably…that’s what I feel!!!
      which one was the marriage thingy?? on dowry??? today also it was on doctors..donno what was the topic though!!!

  4. dr_rashmi says

    The very irony of the situation is when girls undergo such abuses, they have to shut their mouth about it coz apparently there are a few lame asses in the society who still think its a girl’s fault. Most of the girls are embarrassed to raise a voice against *unwanted feel*, they feel ashamed and apparently such ‘doers’ are not even trashed the way they should be when voices are raised , complains are filed. No less than a rape is considered a violation of girl’s dignity !!! Even though i think Aamir Khan is one opportunist idiot, i do hope SMJ manages to make that impact upon the society, since its got such high viewership.

    • says

      oh there is this case on eve-teasing also that girls wear short clothes so guys tease them!!! I mean come on!!! don’t girls in suits get teased or harassed??? yeah seriously and did ou watch the show?? they said clearly that there is no law on child abuse and worst they said that since “we can’t establish penetration, we can’t condemn the abusers” when talking about some case which is 10 years old in which I am guessing that the whole thing was oral or homosexual. that’s sick!!! they should really make laws on such important issues as well.

  5. makeup and beauty by prayati says

    i loved your post…i think how much ever parents try to protect their children, i think almost every child be it a girl or a boy goes through these kind of incidents in their childhood…
    I have gone through such incidents not 1 but 4 times in my childhood, and i kept myself torturing with the thoughts of those incidents years after they happened, and finally i realized that forgiveness was necessary for my freedom, i forgive those people who tried to stain my childhood with such horror and pain….i think forgiveness is what it takes to free yourself from the painful memories…

    • says

      yes, seriously, one needs to forgive people to themselves get out of all the pain of the particular incident be it sexual abuse or an emotional strain!!! its really sad that the society is full of such conscienceless persons and there is literally no way to harm them either. I wonder what they do with their own kids??

    • shruthi says

      I do agree on the forgiving part, as i too, was relieved only after forgiving the concerned person! You are so right prayati!

  6. puja malhotra says

    nice post swati….u asked why i hate patanjali…because i had some bad experience like this there ..after 2yrs of marriage i am not able to conceive so my mum in law took me to patanjali ashram ( its near our house, i live in saharanpur near haridwar) ..so there is some guy who in name of my treatment touched me at wrong places..i screamed and people outside came in the room and then the bigger authorities apologised but now i hate them they are not leaving the married lady just think how they will treat young and small girls…:)

    • says

      oh my gosh, Puja…that’s really horrible!!! and, frankly, I have a huge distrust of these so-called and self-proclaimed babas and all…sometimes I do straight away hurt others sentiments too due to my distrust and feel bad later on but can’t help!!!

    • Coral Crue says

      Oh mY GOd! thanks for bringing this to light. I went to Haridwar in hopes of going there but try as I might, I couldn’t find the place. Am SO GLAD!!! thanks for letting us all know

  7. says

    I really love the show as it’s the first step to create an awareness in the common people..Sure there had been other platforms to create social consciousness but not anything has touched the masses with the intensity of this show and for that I salute Mr.Amir Khan (Like u I have never been his great fan but some of his movies are so remarkable that I do respect him). I hope you watched today’s episode (u must :) )

    Now coming to the child abuse issues, yes it has been there always in our society and I am sure that 99.99% of girls/women have been through those *awkward moments of unwanted touch and feel* be it in whatever range/levels. As a child we are never aware of these things. But when it all started to make sense I started reacting/protesting. That’s the only way to make the “doer” feel embarassed/guilty! Don’t keep quite about it!

    Sorry for the long comment!

    • says

      so true yaar that we are entirely clueless about what happens in the starting but yes, we shouldn’t keep quite about it ever!! and, no worries about long comments…I like reading :)

  8. Padmaja says

    Despite the hype, I didn’t really think of watching SMJ…during that time am usually immersed in newspaper…but that Sunday night, I happened to watch the repeat telecast..just wanted to see what’s the hype all about…the topic was child sexual abuse…minute by minute it was becoming disturbing to watch…still I sat through the whole episode till the end…and yes, tears rolled down my eyes at one point
    I found it really disturbing rather than innocent when a kid answered the opposite of ‘kathara’ as ‘ athara’…how can people take advantage of such innocence ?
    But really liked the way Aamir explained it to the kids..

    Hats off to the participants…it takes so much more than guts to come out and speak on what they have been through

    It would be nice if Aamir covers whole of India

    • says

      yeah…it was really courageous of participants to speak up and the most disturbing I found was that of the guy, Harish…that was so horrifying and for 11 years!!! then, the other small girl for 7 years!! can’t even imagine what one feels. guess, it happens with everyone at one or the other point of life, only people don’t really understand what’s happening.

    • Padmaja says

      I was more disturbed when the guy Harish was speaking…the most disturbing moment was when he said his dog was the only one which understood him at that time…that’s such a disturbing comment…but dogs do sense a lot more than we do

    • says

      I made the same comment…yeah it was damn hard on him yaar and only his dog and his bleeding and hurting all the time and imagine a group thingy …oh my gosh!!! that’s very disturbing.

    • says

      and, he looks so cute too :) with his dimples and they showed his snap also when he was a kid, he was so young and yeah, the moment when that small kid says the opposites 😀 I literally gave a burst of laugh and yes, like you say, don’t know what kinda people are these abusers and what satisfaction they derive from it.

  9. says

    How do I start? I could actually come up with a novel. At 7, a monk (sanyasi)in a reputed sect of Himdu organization, did things that I did not understand. Luckily, I wasn’t harmed physically. I was too young to understand anything, but later I realized what happened.
    With some more incidents, later, my 78 years old tutor tried to molest. Luckily, my sister came along and I being not so naive at that time, talked to her. Although I did not get any support from where I should have ( let me not get into the details), my sister stood up for me and we together took care.

    Even today, I repel from any contact with people, whoever it is. it took some time, until the last couple of years, I feel comfortable with the touch of the only one man in my life.
    Call me hysteric, if, in an auto or bus or metro, I come in contact with others, I get back home and scrub myself thoroughly. I don’t know why

    • says

      yakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk is the only answer I have!!! these babas and monks I hate. even Puja has commented on the same below you. probaby they become that to do such things and to get free money. at 78, i really thought all urges die down…they are so damn sick. gud that you have an elder sister who could understand things. we really need support at that time to say ‘no’.
      yes, its just that, we feel fine with the touches we accept otherwise we really feel disgusted on our own. regd the bus and autos, seriously, even i tend to do the same thing. thankfully, this is Hyderabad and not delhi so these types of incidents are very less comparatively but I do crouch to the edges if I am sitting beside a man. and, I try max times to get autos filled with women.

  10. manya says

    I regularly watch satyameva jayate, some issues were really sooo painful,the child abuse incident made me recall my past too! swati reading your incident,i felt hurt same rather more harsh has happened with me when I was 10, he was pur neighbour, he was going to mayy that year, so before that he wanted some xperience, I hop u understand, he forced upn me and soo much! :( anyways this incident always upsets me, leave it, take care sweety!

    • says

      don’t bother about it Taps, its really not worth it. they are sick bas****s and it was really not your fault. if he thinks he can get experience by molesting a 10 year old, that clearly shows what kind of person he is.

  11. shruthi says

    I really appreciate your effort on bringing up this topic, that too with a personal experience. Almost every girl has experienced something of this sort (me being no exception). Even now, when i hear or see something about child abuse, i feel like just pulling a trigger into the brains of that b*****d. I dont know why, but i get so damn angry and disturbed on hearing such things. I hope shows like SMJ which brings such instances to light, creates some kind of fear in every guy, so that he will think before laying his hands on a child!

    • says

      seriously I am pretty sure very girl feels like that, Shruti. I do hope those abusers learn something called fear and awaken their own conscience as to what they are doing and to whom.

  12. says

    I so agree..I have faced it in crowded places when I was too young to understand whats happening..and the thing was I could not make out who it was..coz it was so crowded and he used to mix in with the crowd casually..and I was still searching and taken aback as to what was happening..thats incident used to disturb me a lot for 2-3 years…then I realised its normal in this world and one has to learn to protect oneself..especially in these crowded places..so now I am very defensive and push anyone who even tries to come in the way in the crowd..learnt it the bad way though..but somehow doubt everyone now..coz I as it is hate the stares I get each and everyday !

    • says

      oh so true Bhumika…people literally do the groping things in extremely crowded places when one doesn’t even realize who it was!!! even I push anyone who comes too close to my social space!!! but, it really becomes difficult in trains and buses.

  13. Aks says

    Child abuse One of the Worst Crimes possible, Its a Sin,how can somebody do it,they must think what if this happens to their kids.
    When i was in school I saved a little girl from a boy who used to call this little girl and put her on his lap trying to show that he is just playing with her or taking care of her.But i knew what he was doing there coz he had a bad reputation and was a pervert.
    I taught him a good lesson and he never tried that again.

    Same my frnd did, he spoke against Our Pti Teacher.As a result He was beaten with a stick by him but the Gal of 6th standard was saved.

    I have not watched SMJ yet,bcoz i know it will make me sad n very very angry :(

    But heres a lolz moment: ME and my frnd both keeps Beard,well most of the time.
    So DOn’t hate us
    :)

  14. Anonymous says

    wow Swathi… three cheers for you.. hip hip hurray!! for writing such a post..I didnt have any experience but after I have pushed away lots of people in buses..U are right middle-aged uncles are worst disgusting (maybe no action at home) and the sway and pretend that they dont know what is happening.. and touch u..When i pushed people away and said move away many have said “this is bus, u go get a taxi if u want”. I dont care anyway..I have shouted at many people, even when I was adult and knew what was happening..Most people around us wont support you or help you. When I get on crowded bus I keep a hand in front of my chest (horizontally) so that they cant touch there. Its a great tip, girls.The only experience as a kid was in Plus two when i was writing exam and this kid (about 13) sat near me and he tried to sit near me more and more n touching with legs. I was puzzled n disturbed. After few days I told my classmates and they handled him. For me it was opposite Ha Ha.. perverted kid came onto me..

    • says

      I also keep my hands crossed on my chest or keep a bag as a protection!!! and hardly ever put my hands up for balance…I always try to grab a seat handle when I have to remain standing!!!
      haha…at 13, guys are really excited to experience all that newly found knowledge 😀

  15. Khushboo Joshi says

    I think that every girl should be given guts by parents to slap the __person on that moment when he is doing wrong with u,,, As its our right to protect our self //// Law is for us and yes if there is no law for innocent girls ,,then we should take a step to make the decision there itself ONLY,

    Even i faced with this phase2 once:( but to be honest that person was one of my family member….but my sister saved me and warned that man to go away:( I was in 2nd standard and he was 55yrs of age.

    Be it girl or boy its disgusting to do these shits with a baby /adolescents. I personally feel to make very child alert of thngs which can cause them harm in smart way such tht they understand it smartly and don’t feel it bad inside// . As at any case that child is innocent.

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